The End of Catfishing: A Love Letter from a Retired Scammer
It's over, guys. The golden age of catfishing? Dead. Gone. Kaput.
I used to be a handsome doctor on a peacekeeping mission. I used to be a stranded prince needing a wire transfer. I once convinced someone I was their high school sweetheart (we'd "both changed so much!").
But now? I can't trick anyone. And do you know who's to blame?
not.bot.
The Good Old Days (When Nobody Knew You Were a Dog)
Before, on the internet, nobody knew you were a dog, a bot, or a guy named Sammy in his mom's basement. It was beautiful. It was simple. It was profitable.
"Hello, beautiful. I'm stuck at the airport and need help with my luggage fees."
"I'm a military commander stationed overseas. We're not allowed to access our bank accounts."
"I'm a successful entrepreneur, but my accounts are temporarily frozen due to a business deal."
These lines were poetry. And they worked.
Then not.bot Ruined Everything
Real people — apparently that's most of you — started using this app to prove they're actually human. They scan their passport to verify they exist. They create a unique digital signature that can't be faked.
And the worst part? Julia Social, the company behind it, doesn't even keep your data. They use some fancy cryptographic math so they can't see it, lose it, or sell it.
(Believe me, I checked. I was hoping to buy a database. No luck.)
My Last Failed Attempt
Yesterday, I tried my classic move. Sliding into someone's DMs with my usual "Hello, beautiful. I'm stuck at the airport" routine.
You know what I got back?
"Can you send me your not.bot sticker?"
I can't fake it. It's not like I have a passport that says "Doctor Handsome" or "Prince of Nigeria." The verification actually checks government records. If I can't prove I'm a human with a real identity, my entire business model is ruined.
I might have to get a real job.
How This Actually Works (Unfortunately)
Here's what's destroying my livelihood:
- Real humans verify their identity once — They scan an actual government ID
- They create a unique digital signature — A scannable QR code that proves their identity
- They share it when meeting new people online — On dating apps, social media, anywhere trust matters
- People can verify instantly — Scan the code, confirm the person is real
No sticker? Probably a scammer. (That would be me.)
The Privacy Thing (That Really Annoys Me)
The thing that really gets me is the privacy protection. Julia Social doesn't have access to your personal data so it can't be hacked or leaked. Your information is stored on your device.
I used to count on companies having terrible security. Data breaches were my friend. Not anymore.
A Farewell to Arms (and Scams)
So here we are. The end of an era.
If you want to:
- Protect your identity online
- Stop catfishing in its tracks
- Prove you aren't a robot (or a guy named Sammy)
- Actually trust who you're talking to
Then go ahead. Visit not.bot. Ruin my life. See if I care.
(I care a lot. Please don't. I have a cat to feed.)
Editor's Note: While this article is satirical, the threat of catfishing and online romance scams is very real. According to the FTC, Americans lost over $1.3 billion to romance scams in 2023. Digital identity verification tools like not.bot provide a simple way to verify you're talking to a real person, not a scammer.